Tripping Through My Memories

first kiss

It was summer, I was 14 and I had discovered the music of Queen, which I listened to constantly on my Walkman. I had let my very good friend dye my long dirty blonde hair, red, with permanent hair coloring, my mother was not amused. She let me grow it out and then she chopped it all off at my chin line. I was attending one of those summer camps that teach theater, dance, music and art. I was into art, watercolor, sculpture, calligraphy and film appreciation, that summer we were studding Jodie Foster.

There was a guy, (there is always a guy) he was a little older 16 I think, we had many classes together we talked, hung-out and flirted. Towards the end of camp during our film appreciation class he started taking my pencil out of my hand repeatedly. Film appreciation class was taught in a theater style classroom we sat towards the back of the room and the lights were dimmed, we were finishing up with Silence of the Lambs. Needless to say I was getting quiet annoyed at him. On his third attempt he took my pencil out of my hand and then grabbed my hand and interlaced his finger with mine and gave a little squeeze. We sat there hold hands, it was a new sensation, butterfly’s in the stomach and tingling of goosebumps running up my arms.

By the end of class he had his hand resting on my leg, moving his thumb back and forth over my white jean shorts with paisley blue and purple flowers printed on them. I wore those shorts almost every day that summer, topped off with a purple tee shirt, a belt and earrings. Aw the 90’s way to many belts, earrings, necklaces and hair clips. We left class together and walked out between two buildings, the sky was a crisp blue with a warm breeze, it was quiet and secluded.

He asked me if I had ever been kissed. I of course at that time told him no. He asked if I would like to be kissed. Being someone that doesn’t say no very often to anything, said yes. He said just do what I do, so I did. I stood in front of him and he leaned down and I leaned in and we kissed, I felt his lips press against mine and his tongue slide into my mouth, I sucked on his tongue and then slid mine into his mouth. It felt natural, relaxed and good.

an introduction it anatomy

Towards the end of my Junior year of High School, had a friend, she set me up with a guy to let’s say practice with. This guy was the worst kisser, she did warn me, some people just can’t kiss. But what he lacked in kissing ability he made up for in a hands on anatomy demonstrations.

After school one day we end up over at a baseball field, in the dugout he was demonstrating how to grind. He stood against the wall of the dugout and I move into him I could feel his very nice hard cock pushing up against me through his sweatpants. His hands on my hips pulling me into him, can you feel that he asked, yes, yes I could. He taught me how to breath with another person without having to say anything, just be in the moment with them.

first time

My first public boyfriend, typical boy meets girl, skip class together go to a park get to know one another. After school we went back to his house, because hello latchkey kids no parents around. Side note best time for getting away with things is the hours between the end of a school day and the be home for dinner time. Seriously had more sexual experiences between the hours of 3 pm and 6 pm then any other time in High School. First time making out in his bedroom after school, a typical messy teenagers bedroom, posters of bands on the walls, clothes, books and papers all over the floor, I still don’t know what color the carpet was.

I was sitting on his desk with my shirt unbuttoned and my bra undone, he was sucking on my nipples and leaving hickeys on my neck and shoulders. One of which had to be airbrushed off of my senior picture, my mother did not see the humor in that.

The song now acquainted forever with my first time is 500 miles by the Proclaimers, suppose it could be worse it was the 90’s. He was my first,  I do wish someone had reminded me that it was going to hurt, but that aside it was good. As good as two people not knowing a whole lot about what they were doing at the time, can be. It was quiet and intimate just breathing each other in and enjoying the moment together. It awoke in me this thing a feeling, need, desire, the once you have it you always want it, craving that I had never experienced before. It was now a game, a challenge with a wonderful reward at the end.

first oral

Through my first boyfriend I meet someone that I had instant chemistry with, four of us skipped the last two classes of the day and drove out to the river, to hangout that’s what teenagers do they hangout. My first boyfriend who was more interested in me giving him a hand job whenever possible, was occupying my time doing just that.

My new instant chemistry friend gave us all rides home, one person in the group always has to have a vehicle. We dropped off my boyfriend so he could go to work and the two of us went to my house. He parked and we went into my backyard, there was a spark an instant need to want to be with this person, chemistry, instant attraction. He moved into me and we kissed, it felt like we had an unspoken connection. He was a very good kisser, we didn’t say much just kissed and groped each other. Deep passionate take your breath away kisses, that were very nice.

Even more fun we ended up working together at my first real job during my senior year of High School. We definitely had our moments of pleasure during our time together. He was the first and only guy I ever snuck into my mother’s house. We were co-workers on the closing shift, it was 1 am, I let him into my bedroom, we listened to music, Garth Brooks of all things, I was young and impressionable, didn’t know any better, at least the county music thing was short lived.

He was the first guy to introduce me to oral sex. He unbuttoned my jeans, unzipped them and hooked his thumbs into my jeans and panties and slid them down to my ankles. I took off my shirt and bra, dropping them to the floor. I stepped out of my jeans and panties and sat on the edge of the bed. He knelled before me and ran his hands along the inside of my thighs moving my legs apart. He gently pushed me back on to the bed and moved himself in between my spread legs. He gently kissed my pussy, before starting to lick and suck at my clit, feeling his tongue slide in and out of my pussy, making me moan with pleasure. As he licked and sucked at my pussy, I ran my hands through his hair pushing him in deeper. I let him suck and lick my pussy till I came. We ended up laying in bed discussing the future.

consequences of actions

On to what I consider a miss step in my relationships, on graduation night, I was talked into attending the grad party, and introduced to a guy that I now wish I had not meet, however being that he is a part of my past he at least gets a mention. At the grad party fueled by adrenaline and excitement as well as the realization that High School was now over, and what the hell am I suppose to do now, this guy was a needed distraction from reality. We ended up making out rather quickly that night.

I made it home around 5 am, collapsed into bed, called in sick to work the next morning, then got a call from my new friend to go to the movies. Of course I went, unfortunately I still had that first boyfriend at the time, I got caught up in the excitement of a new person paying attention to me and honestly kinda forgot about him. Not realizing the damage I was about to do, I came home from my outing at the movies to my mother informing me that I can’t string two guys along at the same time. Even though at that point it was three but that is neither here nor there.

So I called boyfriend number one and broke it off with him, destroying his illusion of trust and making him hate me.

I then hung-out with my new found friend, we had one night of trying to have sex that just didn’t go well and ended in stupidity and immaturity.

He went away for school and ended up in prison, he was not very street smart and got himself into situations that he then paid for. He did write me letters from prison and had a few phone calls, he was nice enough to share some very disturbing stories of prison life that I could have done without. I did see him in passing when he came home from his time in prison, he was hanging on a tall leggy blonde and didn’t even acknowledge me.

the strange ones

College was a wonderful place to learn how to flirt and pick up guys for meaningless sex. Or a way of getting my fix without having a relationship attached. Thank you institution for higher learning. So I was introduced to a guy that had gone to a private Christian High School and was raised by a older single mother. We ended up back at his house, he lived at home with his mother. She was out for the evening, we sat at the kitchen table and I asked if he had ever been kissed. He said no, strong Christian beliefs of waiting till you find the one and all.

I ask him if he would like to kiss me, he says yes, I lean in and gently press my lips to his and slowly slid my tongue into his mouth, he reciprocates then broke it off. He got up from the table and passed into the kitchen. I was slightly put off by his response, I got up and moved over to where he was standing, I put my arms around his waist and we embarrassed, I kissed him again and he let out a moan.

He then lead me upstairs to his mother’s bedroom, he turned on the t.v. Star Trek Deep Space Nine was on. He then actually surprised me, he pushed me back on to his mother’s bed, complete with the pink and green flowered comforter and lace trimmed throw pillows. He undid my jeans and slid them down to my ankles along with my panties. He gently moved in and licked and sucked my pussy till I came.

I don’t know if he was rebelling or just embracing the moment but it was good. So in my mind the fine line of Christian beliefs you can’t have intercourse but you can have oral. He became a good friend although we never did anything else sexually.

The ‘oh my God’ what was I thinking ones, a guy I had known slightly in Jr. High, shows back up in my life in college, ok we had a class together he was my ride home from a late evening class. All good, kinda messed around a little, I was a little to forward, he made comments like I can’t believe you just did that, then it got strange, after an afternoon at his house messing around, making out, letting him feel me up, and what not.

He drops the phrase ‘I want your soul.’ I told him it was mine and no, thinking he was kidding. It got quiet. the room filled with a strange vibes, I got an uncomfortable gut feeling, like he was going to take out a knife and do a blood and fire ritual right on the spot kinda feeling. Needless to say that was definitely the end of that.

The only other one that compares is the guy I went out with once, we took a drive and parked made out a little. He then declared during a conversation with others that it was fine to beat the hell out of a women if she didn’t comply. I did spend an interesting night with that guy’s sister watching porn. Out at their house, she raided her parents porn stash, I am all up for watching porn, it was just weird doing it in someone’s else’s parents bedroom.

 

the real fun

I consider myself a natural when it comes to playing pool, I spent many hours shooting pool in the games area of the student center in college, which of course lead to meeting a guy. He watched me play for a few days and then approached me with the line, ‘let me help you with that.’  He came up behind me while I was getting ready to take a shot and showed me that my finger needed to hold the cue like this and to move my arm through the shot. Let’s just say I enjoyed his hands and brushing against me more than the unsolicited advice.

The second time he decided that he needed to assist me in lining up a shot, I whispered to him that we could finish this demonstration in private, if he preferred. He preferred and we ended up in his dorm room. He stood in front of me in his dorm room and said things like, you don’t understand how turned on I am by you, especially leaning over the pool table in those jeans.

He moved towards me and we kissed, deeply, as he ran his hands over my ass, pulling me up and into him. He sat on the bed and I put on some music, I pushed play on his cd player and Name by The Goo Goo Dolls came on. I am not one to judge others musical preferences. I did a strip tease for him, which he enjoyed as he undid his pants and started rubbing his cock while I undressed. I came over to the bed, got on my knees and proceed to suck his cock, he let out a moan. I pushed him on to his back and straddled his hips, sliding his hard cock into my pussy. Enjoying each other I gave him what he wanted and I got what I needed.

On returning to college the fall after my father passed away, all I wanted was to be around people, not necessarily interact with them just know that they were there. I took up hanging out in the student center playing cards, shooting pool, making small talk with strangers, flirting with everyone, guys and girls just for some attention. Should have been going to class more but my mind was not interested in learning at that point, my heart was looking for comfort. My body was looking for some sort of enjoyment to numb the pain of loss.

I started up with a guy in my trigonometry class, flirted with him quickly got to making out in public, because I seriously didn’t care what other thought at that point and was just after the high of physical contact from another person. We meet up in a dorm room, once again a very messy room with papers, books and clothing scattered everywhere. I laid on my stomach on the bed and he started to massage my shoulders, moving his hands down my back and then to my legs. I was at the time wearing purple sweatpants and a gray tee shirt, with nothing else on underneath. Let’s just say underwear at that point in my life just got in the way. He slid my sweats down and I turned over on to my back and he fingered me and ate me out. It was a short lived experience but enjoyable.

Unforeseen

Sometimes in life you meet people that awaken things within you that you never knew you possessed. This guy taught me more about myself, human nature and life during our brief acquaintance. He called me out after class, out of the blue, someone is calling my name as I walk down the hall to go to lunch after an English class. He caught up to me, we went to lunch, had pizza, made small talk about college majors and careers.

Don’t really know how it got to the next level, depraved minds think alike. He asked me to come to his office wearing particular clothing, so I did as requested, I wore black stretch pants and a long gray

button down shirt. I went into his office and he closed and locked the door behind me, we talked for a few and then he told me he had had a dream about me, a dream about being inside me and wanting to fuck me.

I was seeking attention and he was giving it, so he moved over to me and unbuttoned my shirt and caressed my breasts, undid my bra and started to suck on my nipples. He moved me over to the floor next to his desk and I laid on my back, he removed my stretch pants and panties and slid his hard thick cock into me. Feeling him slid in and out of me making me so wet and then fucking me till I came, then feeling him cum in me was just so needed at that point. It felt so good, so much emotional release.

It help to feed that need, the carving that I had been carrying around. Apparently nothing like a really good fuck to help regain clarity on life. The second time with him was in a basement of a building, there was a yellow plastic school chair that I sat in while he kissed, sucked and licked my pussy. Then I sucked his hard thick cock, it felt so good feeling his hard thick cock sliding in and out of my mouth. Sucking and stoking his cock then letting him fuck me hard and deep, I think we were both slightly depraved and in need of a physical release.

The third time was at his apartment, in his bedroom, completely naked and thoroughly enjoying each other to an extreme. I was laying on the bed naked, he was moving towards me spreading my legs, licking and sucking at my clit, feeling his tongue slide into me, his finger pushing into me making me so wet and wanting. He moved up to my breasts kissing them and caressing them sucking on my hard nipples.

Then he lays on his back and I move down to take his hard thick cock into my mouth, sucking and enjoying. I straddle his hips and slowly slid his hard cock into my wet pussy, taking him deep in me, I sat up and lean back he let out a moan of pleasure, he reaches up and grabs my breasts pinching my nipples.

I move faster thrusting him into me deeper, fucking him till we both came and collapsed in utter bliss. Just laying there breathing each other in and enjoying the high. Bizarre side note to this one we never kissed, we used each other for sexual release but never kissed. Kissing is an intimate thing fucking is just a physical need.

going after it

I am a flirt, I started making eye contact with a guy during a class, it was a once a week three hour class that had a ten minute break after the first hour and half. During this break he comes over to me, introduces himself and we chit chat about whatever. Moving on I go find his dorm room a few days later, it’s a late class so this is the after dinner before class time, I find him in his room, at least his room was cleaner than the others I had encountered. There was a mix of Oasis, Pearl Jam and Beck playing on his stereo. He invites me in, we talk about the music playing and then he says ‘I am going to lay down for a few before class, join me.’ Of course I do otherwise why am I here.

I take my shoes off and we lay down together, he starts running his hand along my leg up to the top of my jeans. He unbuttons and unzips my jeans, then slides his hand down between my legs and proceeds to finger me. Without saying anything just enjoying the moment of pleasure, as his fingers are sliding in and out of my pussy.

I feel his hard cock pushing against me, I reach over and rub his cock through his pants, he lets out a moan. I undo his pants and stroke his cock while he is fingering me, making me cum. I slide my hand up and down his shaft until he cums. He stops gets up and says your bad, very bad. He gets some clean clothes and leaves the room. I get up and straighten myself out and that was that. I let him finger me, I gave him a hand job and he decided that I was a bad idea and we went our separate ways. Once again have to question was it just one of those taking advantage of the situation things to enjoy the experience and then having doubt? Why the doubt, did you enjoy yourself, then what’s the problem, no harm, no foul.

While looking for this guys dorm room I ran into a guy that I had photography class with and after a brief conversation about the project due in class and that I was kinda stuck on part of it. A deal was struck, this guy was very nice kinda shy and lacking in experience, since I needed his assistance in class he asked me for a favor, all he wanted was to experience his first kiss, so I helped him out with that.

I moved in towards him and gently kissed his lips, then I slowly slid my tongue into his mouth and he slid his tongue into my mouth and I gently sucked on it. He let out a moan and I moved back, he says one more to make sure I got right, so I let him kiss me again, he was a natural. I think it was at that point that I realized that you can use sex to obtain things.

fractured memories

It’s at this point that I stumble upon my next public relationship, this guy I picked out, I followed him, I initiated the flirting and made the first move. After about a month of flirting and purposely being in the same place at the same time, we were sitting next to each other in the lounge area of the student center with a few mutual friends. I do believe he asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him. We didn’t go to the movies though, we went for a drive and parked. We talked we made out, it was the beginning of a relationship. At the end of the semester right before winter break of which I was going on vacation with my family for two weeks. He drops the I Love You, on me as it is time for me to not see him for the next two weeks. I was caught off guard, being one that has learned how to give lip service thanks to my mother, always told her what she wanted to here regardless of the truth or what I felt. I said it back to him on the spot. Of course much later I found out that he had said it on a dare to see what I would do. Kinda fucked up, at the time I thought he was sincere.

So at this time in my life I decide to move into the dorms on campus and away from my mother, which of course she was not to happy about. But it had to be done, I needed my independence. I moved into the dorms but I did not live there, I lived in this guy’s bedroom and house with his parents. His parents didn’t seem to mind me being there, they were very nice. I think they were just relieved that their son had a relationship with someone. Personally don’t remember a lot of details during that semester, because when you don’t sleep you don’t make memories. Thankfully I was taking Photography that semester and ended up with a good collection of photos to go with my lack of memories. What I do remember is hanging out at Denny’s drinking coffee till 3 am then collapsing into bed and trying to make an 8 am class.

We spent a good amount of time in bed together, learning that sleeping naked next to someone is a great comfort. He was caring and gentle the sex was, not very memorable apparently, let’s call it traditional, we fucked, usually missionary style, he went to sleep. We were dating, we went to classes, he helped me pass Trigonometry of which I had failed along with World History the semester before. We hung out with groups of people, when to movies and concerts. It seemed to be all good till one day when it just wasn’t. I had moved back to my mother’s house after the semester was over, he wasn’t too happy about that. I can see why we were together a lot, during the semester and then I just went home and kinda left him hanging. No longer having someone to sleep next to is jarring. I went by to see him and something had changed, we tried having sex but it was rushed and felt forced. I think we both knew at that point it was over. He did politely come by my mothers house and break up with me.

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