Clarity of Thought
What does it mean,
to think, to understand,
to reflect, to learn.
Why does your heart lean one way
and your mind the other.
good and evil,
right and wrong,
clarity of thought.
Understanding the feelings that pulse through my mind,
Why is one right and the other wrong.
I can’t clear my mind enough to get the time that I need to catch my breath.
My body is tired and rundown, exhausted.
But my mind is awake to everything.
Ready to pounce upon anything that comes it’s way.
How can my mind be so energized and my body so tired.
I have no clarity of thought.
I don’t know or understand why my feelings are so mixed and conflicted.
I am mad at the world but at the same time I want everyone’s sympathy and compassion.
I have never seen a sunrise over the ocean.
I have never kissed a sweet loving kiss, that tasted of warmth.
I have never been loved with the love only found in a peer.
To be all these things is my only request.
That before my dying day I find trust and love.
To kiss to have the warm breath of another against my lips.
As sweet as honey, yet as pure as a cool breeze on a hot summer day.
To feel his warmth move through me, to have his lips linger upon mine.
Like the morning dew on the petal of a rose.
To hold his hand in mine, firmly but gently.
Protecting me from heartache.
The love I’ll find within him.
If only he’d let me.
Why I consider you a friend,
You are always there to listen,
Not to judge and criticize.
To enjoy the good times,
And to get through the bad.
You’re the only one who hasn’t left me.
And when you do leave for various periods of time,
You always come back.
I feel that you’re the only one who cares,
About me for who I am,
And not what I’ve done or might do.
You have helped me unlock and open,
So many hidden doors.
Thank you for being a friend, I love you.
You’ve shown me more compassion and trust,
As well as showing me more of what life has to offer,
Than anyone else.
His eyes are the color of the wide open sea.
His deep yet sententious voice,
Has the power to captivate me,
His hair shines like gold beneath the warm midday sun.
Be it through the gates of heaven,
Or the red hot flames of hell,
It is him that I follow.
And without his love, compassion and friendship.
I would have been lost.
He holds me safe from the cold cruel world.
He fills my soul full of life,
And my heart full of love,
That it sends me soaring like a dove.
He is honest with me,
And I am true to him.
I shall be his and he shall be mine,
For now and for all time.
Life is Like
Life is Like…
A dozen roses, all standing straight,
Full of beauty, an arousing aroma of peace,
A symbol of love and respect.
But only stay for a short while,
It brings feelings of happiness to a lonely heart,
Then fades away, so quickly to remind us
How limited our time is.
It fades away, losing a little more beauty each day,
From a bright bold color,
To a darker duller stain of color.
Its leaves dry and crumble to the surface of a table,
To be brushed away.
Its petals wither, curling the corners,
To shrink slowly in the mid-day sun.
Till it drops, fallen over, given up on itself.
Allowing gravity to take over,
And finally it dies.
Showing how soon we forget about time,
And the value of our own lives.
I use to be happy and carefree,
But then something happened.
Something that made me not want to feel anything anymore.
My father died and everything changed.
From the moment the phone rang at 12:45 am,
My world was put on a roller-coaster.
All I felt from that point on was hurt and sorrow.
I am tired of feeling all these feelings of pain,
It has made me numb to any and all other feelings.
All I want is to be able to depart from this roller-coaster.
That all started the night the phone rang.
To have no more sadness and no more pain.
To have a time that is quiet and calm to be able to sort these feelings out.
To find my balance and clarity of thought.
Who am I…
Who am I?
Why am I so sad, why do I need to be held and comforted?
Who am I to ask such a selfish question?
I have always taken care of everyone else around me,
So why does this person, this stranger want to help me?
Someone not worth helping, I don’t deserve anyone’s help.
All I want right now is my dad,
I want him to hug me and to say that he loves me.
Why am I left to suffer from his selfishness?
He left me for his own happiness.
I don’t ever want to hurt someone that way.
Which is why I am always taking care of those around me and not myself.
I am afraid that if I stop to take care of myself and am happy,
That I may be hurting someone else with my happiness.
So where do I fit in? When will it be my turn to be happy?
Who am I and where do I belong?