My Voice

Get in My Head

Please don’t hate
The way I articulate
There’s no judgment here
Just you running in fear
It’s not just my hobby
No need to lobby
I’m not going anywhere
I just want to be here
In the present
Learning to represent
My feelings and emotions
And all my new devotions
To those who want to listen
Because this administration
Only wants to take
So we need to be awake
And stand strong
From those who do wrong
They drag us down
Making us look like clowns
Because we’re blind
Not of the same mind
So we surrender
To this fender bender
And give up
Stuck in a pileup
With no hope
So we learn to cope
With mediocrity
Drowning out the minority
Forgetting how to sympathize
No longer are we civilized
Stepping on toes
We bulldoze
Those who want to speak
Instead we critique
Every human
Adding onto the confusion

View original post 38 more words

Still Reaching

After many years of staying home getting to raise my son, and not needing to work. The money I would have been making would have gone to child care, which seems kinda redundant. Now that my son is older and the economy has changed I need to work just so we can get by. These are some of the interviews I had.

Interviews:

Greenwood Senior Center March 2016

Applied for a volunteer position, interviewed, was hired as prep-cook for the lunch program.

The Home Depot June 2016

Applied online​, got called back by a recruiter, did two different interviews, was hired as a cashier. Went to orientation, worked full-time in Seattle.

Kroger August 2016

Ended up in Marion Illinois Kroger held a job fair walk in interview event. I stood in line with 100 other people and was one of 12 to be hired on the spot.

Kmart September 2016

Simple quick hired as a cashier full time till store closed in December 2016.

City Market November 2016

Answered questions about how to promote a grocery item, I chose a box of cereal.

City Market March 2017

Was contacted by City Market/King Soopers recruiter did same questions as before, even the cereal one.

Walgreens March 2017

Went in did an assessment test, got called did interview, answered questions about how to handle customers.

Community Budget Center April 2017

Walked in applied, talked to manager, was explained to about it being non-profit board run. Came in for interview answered questions about team effort.

Murdoch’s April 2017

Three people asking various questions about who I am, what my experiences are. Why I moved so much, and the icing on the cake, “What does the golden rule mean to you.” *isn’t that a religious based question?*

After a rash of interviews I am still looking for something, I search and apply everyday.

Now, we are trying to get into a house, with a roommate, because overall it will be cheeper for all of us to share a house. Instead of each paying for separate apartments.

The thing that kills us in doing this is coming up with the deposit, those of us that live pay check to pay check go without​ when the money runs out. It’s simple on paper you get paid, you pay your rent, utilities, transportation costs. Then you get by on what’s left for food, clothing and the unexpected. (like your kid get a stomach virus for three days) which leads to extra laundry. An expenses you weren’t planning on.

I look for and try to take advantage of all the community programs, food banks, commoties distribution, thrift stores ect… However the timing and locations of these events are not always convient.

I don’t like having to ask for help, but sometimes it’s necessary.

https://www.gofundme.com/need-to-rent-a-home

I also wrote about being homeless, and right now I am doing everything possible not be homeless again.

Thank you for reading this and thank you for sharing and passing along my story.

https://cch217.wordpress.com/2016/04/08/reach/

And if you want to know about me.

https://cch217.wordpress.com/2017/05/10/the-quick-history-of-me/

Thank you again 💙

Pieces

“Hello?” I answer the phone in that not quite awake voice.

“I know,” a woman’s voice states on the other end.

“You know what?” I croak out while trying to sit up in bed.

“That you and James have been together, you homewrecking bitch,” the voice blurts out.

“Karen? is that you, what are you talking about?” I ask confused in my half asleep state.

Click, the line went dead.

“Fuck, that’s not good,” I anounce to the empty room.

I glance at the illuminated clock radio, 3:56am.

I texted James:

So Karen just called me. WTF is going on.

I laid back down, I put my phone on silent and drifted off.

6am the alarm went off, playing some oldie but goodie song on KREX home of the golden oldies.

I smacked the snooze button, turned over and picked up my phone.

Two new texts: from James

Fuck, I came home from the opening I was covering for the paper, there was an empty bottle of wine along with the photo albums scattered on the table. Karen and I went round and round, apparently she hired a private investigator.

Second text: from James

Sorry, she threw me out, I am on your​ couch. Didn’t want to wake you.

“Ugh…” I put the phone down, stretched, got up and went into the living room.

There on my couch was James fast asleep, I covered him with a blanket and went to take a shower.

I started the coffee, made scrambled eggs with cheese and toast.

“Morning,” a tired voice said from across the room.

I turned and smiled at him.

“Morning, there’s food,”

“Your going to need your strength to explain to me what is going on,”

James got up, put his arms around me, kissed me on the forehead and went into the bathroom.

We sat at the table eating our breakfast in silence.

“So, care to fill me in?” I asked while clearing the table.

James took a very deep breath. I sat down across from him and took his hands in mine.

“Ok, about two months ago Karen caught me in a lie, I couldn’t talk my way out of. Shortly after that she hired a private investigator to follow me around. I guess she received his report yesterday,”

“Wait two months ago, that was the mayor’s​ dinner event we covered for the paper, what did she catch you on,”

“She had gotten sick and wanted me to come home, but I had turned off my phone, so she had to call her sister,”

“Why did you have your phone…oh yeah, nevermind,” I smiled at James.

“Well, fuck, now what?” I asked. James shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know, wasn’t expecting this,”

“Go home and talk to Karen, I want to know what that PI told her, maybe we can explain a misunderstanding to her,”

“Or I can just move in with you,” James said.

“Go find out what she knows first,”

He kissed me good bye, “I’ll call you later,”

I dressed and went to work.

James and I both work for the local newspaper, The Daily Star, your source for local news and events.

I sat at my desk, thinking over what James had said. I pulled out my daily planner, pretty much my diary of who, when and where, I flipped back to two months ago.

I am a little OCD when it comes to tracking things and keeping records. Two months ago on a Saturday the mayor’s dinner in the hotel ballroom. Notes on good food, who was there, what the mayor covered in his speech.

“Fuck,” I mumbled under my breath, a little blue heart in the lower right corner.

A notation to myself​. I thumbed through a few more weeks, three more little blue hearts.

My phone buzzed, text from James:

I found what the PI saw. Two weeks ago, parking garage.

I turned to the date, there it was a little blue heart on a Tuesday in May.

I texted James back: Now what?

My phone buzzed, James:

Don’t know, he took pictures.

I put the phone down, leaned back in my chair and let out a sigh.

I decided to just work and deal with whatever fallout this caused. I collected my daily assignments and got to work.

My phone buzzed, James:

Sarah we need to talk, meet me for lunch 1:30pm, the deli across the street.

Sure, but you’re buying. I answered.

We sat down with our lunch in hand, turkey sandwiches with chips and an ice tea.

“So, what now?” I asked taking a bite of my sandwich.

“She’s mad and hurt, called me every name in the book, called you a few names,”

“Nice, what does she want,”

“That’s where it gets tricky, I have to tell you something, but I don’t think I should tell you while you’re eating,” James said.

I stopped eating, I was suddenly not hungry. I wrapped up the rest of my sandwich and put it along with the unopened chips back into the bag. I took a long drink of my ice tea.

“Ok, tell me,”

James took​ my hand and looked me in the eye.

“I love being with you, you get me and you know me,”

I could feel my throat getting tighter, my vision started to blur. I did not want to cry, not in front of him.

“Karen’s pregnant and…”

That was it. I was done, I got up grabbed my lunch and walked away. I made it into the office, went to the ladies room, and lost my lunch.

I stood in front of the mirror sobbing like a school girl, thinking about how stupid I was to get involved with a married man.

I pulled myself together enough to finish my assignments and went home.

My phone buzzed, James:

Can I please come over, I need to finish explaining everything to you.

My phone buzzed, James:

Please, Sarah I love you, you need to know everything.

“Fuck,” I said wiping away fresh tears.

I texted him back

You need to bring, a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of Jack. And you are going to answer all of my questions. Deal?

My phone buzzed, James:

Deal. I be over in a few.

There was a knock at the door.

I opened the door and there was James holding a bottle of Jack Daniels and a pack of cigarettes.

“Fine, come in,” I said and held the door open.

James kissed me on the check on his way in to the apartment.

“Thanks,” he pulled two glasses and dropped an ice cube in each. I opened the bottle and poured.

“Have a seat,” I motioned towards the kitchen table, while I found an ashtray and lighter in the junk drawer.

I opened the pack of cigarettes, took one out, lit it and took a deep drag. I exhaled slowly and took a seat across from James.

“Well, here we are,” I downed my drink and poured another.

“You know I never wanted to hurt you,” James said.

“I know, but you won’t ever leave Karen,”

“I can’t, not now,” he took a sip of his drink and cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry,”

“Sorry that you’re​ ending it or that you got caught and have to end it?”

James sighed.

“Nevermind it doesn’t matter, we’re done,” I finished off my drink, put out my cigarette and got up.

As I set the glass down on the counter top James came up behind the, slid his arms around me and kissed the back of my neck. I closed my eyes and leaned into him.

His feel, his smell so familiar and comforting. As mad and frustrated with him as I was, I still want him.

I turned to face him, leaned in and kissed him slowly, deeply letting my tongue slide into his mouth and taste him one more time.

I took his hand and led him into the bedroom.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” James asked.

“Don’t talk, just enjoy it,” I took off my shirt and bra.

Then slid out of my pants and panties. I unbutton, unzipped and pulled off his jeans along with his boxers. James took off his shirt and sat on the edge of the bed.

I kneeled in front of him and rubbed his cock, making him hard. I slid his cock into my mouth sucking and rubbing up and I his shaft.

James ran his hands through my hair and let out a moan.

“Fuck, Sarah,”

I sucked harder, letting him slide deep into my mouth. I could taste his pre-cum, I slid his cock out of my mouth and licked around the tip.

“Like that?” I asked as I stood up in front of him.

James grabbed me and the waist and pulled me onto the bed. He moved down in between my legs, rubbing and kissing the inside of my thighs.

He kissed and licked my clit, sliding his tongue into my pussy. I let out a moan and he pushed in deeper, making my pussy wet from his tonuging.

James moved up my body, kissing and caressing me. He ran his hand over my breast pinching my nipple, rolling his tongue over it then clamping down and sucking.

I reached down and rubbed his cock, sliding my hand up and down his shaft. He slid his fingers into my wet pussy, I arched my back as his fingers slid deep into me.

James kissed me, pushing his tongue deep into my mouth, I could taste myself on his lips.

“Fuck me, please,” I begged.

James moved over me, spread my legs and slid his hard cock into me.

~ ~ ~ ~

I woke​ up and ran to the bathroom. After throwing up nothing but stomach acid, I sat on the cold tile floor.

“Fuck,” I got up, found my daily planner on the kitchen table and started flipping pages back.

It had been about eight weeks since I had last seen James. He had taken a leave of absence from work and was freelancing from home.

Trying to fix his marriage with the now very pregnant Karen. Sarah had seen her in passing at an Everyday Food’s store about two weeks ago.

I sat mulling over my options: tell him, don’t tell him, keep it, don’t keep it.

Two days later I texted James: We need to talk.

Text from James: When and where?

Thursday 8pm my place.

There was a knock on the door, I let James in.

“Come in, take a seat,” I said closing the door behind him​.

“So, what do we need to talk about?” James sat down on the couch.

I took a deep breath.

“I am two months pregnant and I am keeping the baby,” I blurted out all in one breath.

There was a long silence as James staired at Sarah.

“I am not sure what to say,” James got up walked over to me and put his arms are me. I relaxed into his embrace as the tears streamed down my face.

We laid down on the bed and held each other, I feel asleep in his arms.

When I woke up he was gone. My phone buzzed.

Text from James: I can’t be there for you, I have to tell Karen.

I got up showered and dressed for work.

~ ~ ~ ~

Detective Andrews stood in the small one bedroom apartment on the north side of town.

“What do we have?” he asked the responding officer.

“Female, 30 years old, 5’4″ tall, weight 130 pounds, Sarah Fenton, according to her licence. Found here in her home, stabed multiple times and left sitting at her desk.” the officer stated.

“Who found her?”

“Landlord a Mark Williams, came by to ask her about rent, because she was five days late.”

Detective Andrews walked over to the body, sitting in her office chair, slumbed over her desk. He noticed the blue ball point pen laying beside her left hand. He careful moved her hair over to see the edge of an envelope.

“Hey, come get a photo of this,”

The investigator came over and photographed the top of the desk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deadly Ambition

Shane found his thirst for doing the unspeakable during his young adult life. His first was Heather, she was a adventurous active young woman with an open mind when it came to Shane asking her to perform sexual acts for him. She let him tie her up even smack her around a little.

On this particular night Heather was laying on the bed naked with her hands tied behind her back. Shane flipped her over onto her back and straddled her hips, he leaned down over her and kissed her deeply. He rubbed her breasts and caressed her neck.

Shane’s grip tightened around her slim neck, he could feel her heart racing under his hands. He spread her legs apart with his knees and slid his erect cock into her.

As her lips turned blue and her breath ceased Shane came deep in her. Watching her eyes glaze over and go dark.

~ ~ ~ ~
Shane was tall, and skinny with shaggy brown hair. He was a C average student in High School, who managed to graduate despite missing a far amount of school days. His parents Dave and Shelly Henderson were career driven individuals.

Dave Henderson owned a Ford dealership on the outskirts of town and did ok for himself despite being over stressed. He kept a bottle of Jack in the bottom desk drawer, which emerged before lunch, along with his two pack a day habit of Winston’s. Shelly was in real estate, she loved showing houses and selling people on the American dream. They loved their son, and felt that he was doing just fine.

After graduation Dave gave his son a choice, either go to college and live at home or move out and get a job. Shane choose to take a job in a warehouse loading trucks for Everyday Foods. It kept him busy, and gave him enough money to afford his studio apartment just a few blocks away from the warehouse, most days he skateboarded to work. He had an older white Chevy van that he used to move things for people, to make some cash on the side.

Shane worked with a guy named Tommy, a stocky, short guy that had a short fuse when frustrated. Of which Shane had witnessed more than once during his time working with him.

“My cousin is moving, on Saturday,” Tommy announced out of the blue during break on Thursday morning.

“Ok, why do I need to know this?” Shane asked.

“He wants to know if you want to make a few bucks, helping him move stuff with your van,”

“Sure, have him give me a call on Saturday,”

After helping Tommy’s cousin move, Shane went out to grab a bite to eat and relax. Since he was out of town and not sure of what all was around, he drove out Route 18 for a bit and came upon a roadhouse called The Backdoor.

He parked his van in the dirt parking lot and headed inside, it was loud and crowded. Shane took a seat at the bar, ordered a bacon cheeseburger with fries and a beer. He ate ,drank and relaxed, not really paying attention to anything in particular.

“Can I buy you another,” a woman sitting next to him asked, pointing to the empty bottle.

Slightly surprised Shane said “Sure, why not,” he smiled at her.

“I’m Heather,” she put out her hand.

“Shane,” he shook her hand.

Heather was a tall, pretty brunette, with deep green eyes and an inviting smile. They talked casually about life after school and future plans.

“So do you live in Overland?” Heather asked.

“Nope, just passing through,” Shane answered, finishing off his beer.

“Are you up for some fun, or do you need to get back?” she asked.

“Depends on what you consider fun,”

“Follow me, and I’ll show you,” she smiled, paying and heading for the door. Shane followed.

Heather stopped Shane in front of his van slid her arms around him and kissed him.

Heather got into her car and started driving down route 18, back towards Overland.

She pulled into a motel next to an Everyday Foods store. Shane parked his van, got out and joined her in front of room 7. Heather unlocked the door and entered the room, it was your typical shabby $40 a night room. One queen size bed, with rust colored bedspread complete with a mysterious stain. A night stand, with a brass lamp, a pair of chairs around a small table, a t.v. with an oversized mirror behind it attached to the chest of drawers.

“Quaint,” Shane said.

“It will do,” Heather said as she pulled the heavy gold curtains over the picture window.

She pulled the bedspread off and dropped it on the floor.

“At least the sheets are clean,” she smiled at Shane.

Heather stripped and laid out on the bed.

“Nice,” Shane commented as he shed his clothes and joined her.

Shane ran his hands along her body, taking her hard nipple into his mouth and sucking. She let out a moan. He moved down kissing his way to her pussy.

He spread her legs and started licking and sucking on her clit. She pushed up against him and ran her fingers through his hair as he throughly enjoyed her.

Shane moved up and kissed her as she rubbed his erect cock. She leaned over and took him into her mouth, sucking gently at first then letting him slide deeper.

He arched his back, grabbed her by the hair and pulled her off of him. He flipped her over onto her stomach, pulled her hips up, so that she was on her hands and knees. He rubbed her ass, smack, the sound hung in the air. Heather’s​ mouth hung open but no sound emerged.

Shane pushed his cock deep into her ass.

“Fuck,” she yelled out and pushed back against him.

He thrusted into her, fucking her, faster and harder. Till he came deep in her.

Shane collapse on the bed, Heather moved towards him, she slid her tongue into his mouth and kissed him deeply. He kissed her back.

~ ~ ~ ~

A few weeks later there was a knock at Shane’s door, it was​ Heather.

 

 

 



Forever Grace

cch217

The Royal Flesh

Kent rolled over and glanced at the empty side of the bed. “Guess she already left,” he mumbled as he staggered into the bathroom. He stepped into the shower and let the warm water flow over him.

While he got ready for another mundane routine day of work, he wondered how it got to this point.

Kent Miller had meet his wife Jennifer Daniels seven years ago, in a club. Kent had been in and out of odd jobs over the years, at this time he was working as a bouncer at Jake’s Night Spot.

Jennifer had come in with a bachelorette party, she was stylish, confident and cute. Kent had found himself watching her most of the night, how she talked, what she drank, and how she played with her hair.

Being someone that goes after the moment he asked her to take his number. A…

View original post 6,951 more words

The Quick History of Me

It was a dark and stormy night…

I was born in Pullman Washington, the day after Mother’s Day, May 10, 1976. There were compilations, I had two seizures and spent two weeks in an incubator.

My parents…

My mom was born and raised in Seattle and my dad grew up in Wenatchee WA. They meet at Washington State University in Pullman WA in 1973. They were married on June 22, 1974.
My dad worked in radio he had a BA in journalism and communications. I have a photo of him performing in a play called “Under Papa’s Picture.”
My mother has a masters degree in early childhood development and has mainly worked for non-profits as a case manger testing children’s learning abilities.
My brother was born January 14th 1980, a healthy baby boy named Chip. In May of 1981 my parents moved to Alaska. McGrath AK, in the middle of nowhere.
Where my dad ran the public radio station KSKO 870 am and my mom worked for various social work agencies. She also tried running her own daycare for a while. Needless to say it was a isolated, structured upbringing, school, work, activities ect..
My youngest brother was born November 12th 1982, Marcus. In 1988 we moved to Fairbanks AK, where my dad was unemployed for two years while my mom worked (he wrote a sci-fi novel) while unemployed. Side note I never got to read it and it’s lost forever, at least to me.
In 1990 my dad went in for an interview at a radio station, and ended up being News Director of KTVF an NBC affiliate in Fairbanks. My dad suffered his first heart attack in September 91.

In April of 1992 I got to travel to New York and sing in Carnegie Hall with my high school choir, I was 15 years old.
In November of 92 my mom moved out, she left. She also let a con-man of a boyfriend move in and bleed her dry financially and emotionally. He ended up marrying some girl he meet on-line after spending five years with my mom.
My dad got remarried May 22, 1995 to a strange German lady he met penpall style that was from New York. On Tuesday June 13, 1995 after returning from his honeymoon my dad was having chest pains and went to the hospital. He refused treatment and signed out AMA Wednesday afternoon, on the morning of Thursday June 15 he suffered a massive heart attack and passed away around 1:15 am. My dad’s widow was nice enough to hold his funeral on Father’s Day.
The insurance was a mess, because I was an adult, (I was 19) and my brothers were minors and my mom was divorced. My dad had never added his new wife, I got my share in cash and my brothers were set up with a guardian account my mother being the guardian. The money let me go to school and move away from my mother.

I went to the University of Alaska Fairbanks, (the piece I wrote called Tripping Through My Memories is the first semester after my dad died) I didn’t finish, I ran out of money and didn’t see a point in it at the time. I also meet Mike at UAF. He helped convince me to move out and live my own life. (with him)

For a while Mike and I both worked, we had friends, roommates came and went. In August of 1998 Marcus got sick, he was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer that was already consuming his neck and lungs. My mom took him to Seattle’s Children’s Hospital and they resided in the Ronald McDonald house. My mother never spoke to me directly about what was going on, I heard everything second hand through Chip or my Grandmother. He passed away April 30 1999.

On December 13 1998 I got on a plane by myself and flew standby into Tulsa OK, a friend from high school lived in Stella MO and I went to stay with her. In February I got Mike to also join me in Missouri.
We worked, then I got pregnant with Christopher and flipped out, (mainly from the morning sickness.) We drove to Michigan to see Mike’s parents. Ended up living in Michigan for seven months, both of us working part-time and making no money.
Mike had a friend on-line that said come to Colorado there’s better work. So March 2000 we (me at eight months pregnant) drove to Denver CO. We made things work in Denver for two years, moved outside of Denver to Greeley. Where roommates made things worse and we went back to Michigan. November 02 to November 04 we made it work in Michigan, Mike working me taking care of Christopher, we hung out with Mike’s parents they were bowlers.

November 04 we moved back to Denver (in with the same friend from 2000) and made it all work once again for three years. Side note February 13, 2005 Mike’s dad passed away and we took a quick trip driving back to Michigan for the funeral. November once again in 06 we left Denver and drove to Kansas City, Kansas, which is where Mike’s younger brother was at the time.

At this point I do realize that we have a pattern of moving on average every 2 years 10 months. Optimism that the grass is greener on the other side or that there is something more or different to experience. We hung out with Mike’s brother for two weeks it was crazy and strange, we ended up back in Stella, MO (of all places) We needed shelter and that was the only friend I had at the moment. (the friend from the Reach piece with the cats) So more craziness, that lasted till March 07, at that point we pack up and drive west, thinking Seattle but making it to Ogden UT, and re-evaluate. Mike’s dad was Navy so he has lived everywhere even overseas and in Iceland. When he was 14 his dad was stationed as a recruiter in Grand Junction CO. So we ended up there March of 2007. First time we were homeless and had to learn things as we went.

I learned a few things the hard way but it all ended up ok, Mike got to work and we had a decent apartment. Grand Junction CO a small 60 thousand ish population, college town, boom bust town because of the oil and gas industry. Mike was making good money and we were stable, then the bottom dropped out. April of 2009 everyone every where was laid off, we made unemployment work and I worked at a assisted living facility as a residential aid, I lasted a week.

June 2010 we could no longer pay rent and drove to Denver, thinking we had one more unemployment payment, (we didn’t) we had to sleep in our Jeep, I found a family homeless shelter program, we did four week in that program, during the second week someone hired Mike to help paint fences and do landscaping and odd jobs.
We moved into a motel, with weekly rates $220 a week. It was gross, bed bugs and all. Crazy people ect… We lived there for two years. (WTF why did we stay so long) Mike worked in the tire industry almost always in the 20 years I’ve been with him, and it takes a toll on you, physically. He has also gotten hurt quite a few times on the job. Another factor to moving so many times always looking for something not so strenuous.
June 2012 we left Denver and drove back to Grand Junction, getting on our feet a little quicker this time because we knew what needed to happen. Once again making it work for three years, then burn out and exhaustion of putting up with stupid people we moved to Seattle.

First post

Blood, Fire & Grit

Once upon a time (so many a writer has begun) I was a film major. The dream was that I might dictate worlds. I wanted to make others see my vision, experience the story I had in my head. I wanted to be a film director.

Film school was a rude awakening, at least for me.  I was surrounded by some enormous talent, and my simpering ego couldn’t deal with it. I went from being a whale in a pond (among the most creative in my community) to being a minnow in a vast ocean of creativity. My dream and ego both shattered, I pretty much dropped out of school and took up drinking, drugs, and sampling every after-hours club in lower Manhattan. To quote a giant, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”

Fast-forward some years. I have tried my hand at many, many creative…

View original post 130 more words